Dave Portnoy is Boston through and through, and his disdain for the New York Yankees likely rivals his animosity towards Dan Bernstein and others on his enemies list. It’s no surprise then that he’s against the torpedo bat, despite the Boston Red Sox giving it their all in spring training. If you’re wondering, “What the hell is a torpedo bat?” you might have missed a key development. Recently, they drew attention as the Yankees tied an MLB record for the most home runs—15—in their first three games of the season.
“The Yankee front office, the analytics department, did a study on Anthony Volpe and every single ball, it seemed like, he hit on the label,” Yankees announcer Michael Kay explained. “He didn’t hit any on the barrel. So they had bats made up where they moved a lot of the wood into the label so the harder part of the bat will actually strike the ball.”
Michael Kay explains that the Yankees made new bats “where they moved a lot of the wood into the label so the harder part of the bat is going to strike the ball.”
Seems relevant today… pic.twitter.com/cpldzigdrT
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) March 29, 2025
The outcome? Anthony Volpe, Jazz Chisholm Jr., and Austin Wells collectively hit six home runs using these modified bats, while Aaron Judge slugged four homers in just three games. This led Portnoy to assert that Judge was using a torpedo bat, which he vehemently denied. Even though Major League Baseball has deemed these new bats completely legal, Portnoy remains skeptical.
Emergency Press Conference – Ban the Yankees Torpedo Bat Before it Ruins Baseball pic.twitter.com/LX1iDZ7wUg
— Dave Portnoy (@stoolpresidente) March 30, 2025
“The Yankees hired an MIT physicist to take wood from the other parts of the bats—like near the handle and label—and put it in the sweet spot, making it larger,” Portnoy claimed. “They did this to help Anthony Volpe, who kept getting jammed. So they thought, ‘How do we improve his performance? Let’s make this torpedo bat; just swing, and if you make contact on the handle, it’s a home run.’” He added, “The Yankees have hit, like, I think, 13 home runs. Chisholm is hitting home runs; Judge says he’s not using the torpedo bat. But he is. All teams might use it. Should it be allowed? No. Is it cheating? Yes. That’s coming from someone who won the Triple Crown in high school.” You can’t blame him for playing up the narrative, even if he’s received pushback about Judge.
Real tough with a torpedo bat. https://t.co/wc637jposC
— Dave Portnoy (@stoolpresidente) March 30, 2025
“The torpedo bat doesn’t make a difference!”
– All Yankee fans pic.twitter.com/CmbvUbJL7T
— Dave Portnoy (@stoolpresidente) March 30, 2025
“If you get sawed off or hit a ball off the label, it means you’re not quick enough with your hands — and you stink,” Portnoy argued. “Turning the bat into something akin to a corked bat with this torpedo hump allows players to make contact and hit home runs easily. That defeats the purpose—just making someone who’s not that good into a better player. If you get jammed and it’s a home run, you haven’t improved, just some MIT physicist ruining over a century of baseball traditions.” He continued, “If MLB doesn’t outlaw this torpedo bat, then teams will adopt it, and games will end in scores like 100-98 with 3,000 home runs. Just because they studied Anthony Volpe and found he consistently gets jammed doesn’t mean he should have altered bats to make him competitive.”
Portnoy might consider this an “unbiased rant,” but it’s precisely what you’d expect from a devoted Boston fan witnessing Yankees players blast home runs. Regardless of whether the torpedo bat is a genuine game-changer or merely an inflated controversy, Portnoy will be vocally opposing it while the Yankees continue to thrive.
